Those Advice given by My Dad Which Rescued Me during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider inability to open up between men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - going on a couple of days abroad, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."