Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent entertainers spent their airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the new plan that enables international citizens to buy U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, or "premium" tier for 5 million. An official portal guarantees approval "in record time."

"One thought here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll numbers during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.