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The current period represents a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately shut down any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {